Let it out!
Hey guys!! I know that it has been a strong little minute since I've blogged, but I have some good things to share.
Soo recently I have been really confrontational with myself... meaning, that I have been asking myself a lot of whys? Like why does this make you feel this way? or why does this make you so upset, because dawg I be upsetttttt!!!!! Like real life furious and all these past emotions just come up and I start letting my emotions blur what is really going on. I get tired of this though, because its draining and its drainnig for others to deal with as well. I delt with a lot of emotional abuse from my parents and it makes me feel like others are out to get me... lolol i know it sounds whacky, but honestly, I feel that way at times. I feel this way in most of my relationships so it causes me to retreat instead of dealing with my problems, but this is no way to live. No matter how much abuse someone causes for you, it still falls on you to correct your problems and become a good person. So one day I found myself getting worked up and started to overthink, and just create all these scenarios of how this person could be pulling one over on me. Instead of being investigative and blowing everything out of proportion I got on my knees and prayed, and my eyes were full of tears. I so desperately wanted there to be a problem and I wanted attention. I was so worked up, but after I prayed a calm came over me that reminded me how loved I am lol, all jokes aside. Something came over me that gave me peace, and I was no longer angry, anxious or obsessive. I did it once when I felt overwhelmed, and I cried to God about how unloved I felt and how tired I felt, and honestly how bad I wanted to give up. I kid you not my mind cleared, and I was reminded of my strength and how far it has already gotten me. I was reminded that although I felt empty, I put on a brave face daily without thought and by the Grace of God I am carried through. It took a different type of hunger to pray when the enemy had a stronghold on my thoughts, but it gave me a type of relief that is hard for me to explain. I have to constantly remind myself that some thoughts are lies! Some things that I feel are from the past and old traumas and in order to make progress in my life and relationships, I literally have to cling on to the lord. I am such a MAJOR work in progress, but there is nothing in my life that I want more is than to have control over my emotions. I am a bit of a brat so that is part of the problem, but I am going to work through how I feel instead of allowing how I feel to work me! ( I just came up with that im fye :) )
I really hope that this story helps anyone who battles with there emotions and being impulsive. I believe in you and you can do it. I know that we will deal with things that are unfair with grace one day and not think twice about it!
Soo recently I have been really confrontational with myself... meaning, that I have been asking myself a lot of whys? Like why does this make you feel this way? or why does this make you so upset, because dawg I be upsetttttt!!!!! Like real life furious and all these past emotions just come up and I start letting my emotions blur what is really going on. I get tired of this though, because its draining and its drainnig for others to deal with as well. I delt with a lot of emotional abuse from my parents and it makes me feel like others are out to get me... lolol i know it sounds whacky, but honestly, I feel that way at times. I feel this way in most of my relationships so it causes me to retreat instead of dealing with my problems, but this is no way to live. No matter how much abuse someone causes for you, it still falls on you to correct your problems and become a good person. So one day I found myself getting worked up and started to overthink, and just create all these scenarios of how this person could be pulling one over on me. Instead of being investigative and blowing everything out of proportion I got on my knees and prayed, and my eyes were full of tears. I so desperately wanted there to be a problem and I wanted attention. I was so worked up, but after I prayed a calm came over me that reminded me how loved I am lol, all jokes aside. Something came over me that gave me peace, and I was no longer angry, anxious or obsessive. I did it once when I felt overwhelmed, and I cried to God about how unloved I felt and how tired I felt, and honestly how bad I wanted to give up. I kid you not my mind cleared, and I was reminded of my strength and how far it has already gotten me. I was reminded that although I felt empty, I put on a brave face daily without thought and by the Grace of God I am carried through. It took a different type of hunger to pray when the enemy had a stronghold on my thoughts, but it gave me a type of relief that is hard for me to explain. I have to constantly remind myself that some thoughts are lies! Some things that I feel are from the past and old traumas and in order to make progress in my life and relationships, I literally have to cling on to the lord. I am such a MAJOR work in progress, but there is nothing in my life that I want more is than to have control over my emotions. I am a bit of a brat so that is part of the problem, but I am going to work through how I feel instead of allowing how I feel to work me! ( I just came up with that im fye :) )
I really hope that this story helps anyone who battles with there emotions and being impulsive. I believe in you and you can do it. I know that we will deal with things that are unfair with grace one day and not think twice about it!
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