Find God

For several years I was depressed. I was young, and I didn’t even know what depression was. I thought I could smoke n drink it away or that having a boyfriend would distract me from how I felt. I constantly let people use me and walk all over me.  I would look in the mirror and not recognize who I was. I would be around my own family n they felt like strangers. I was mentally tapped out. everyone just thought it was puberty and that I was acting funny, but in reality I was going through an extremely ruff time.  Although  I was sick I still had to get up n go to school and deal with life. When things didn’t go as planned or got too difficult I snapped, because my brain didn’t have the capacity to deal with any problems. I never felt pretty and I never felt confident in myself. Everyday that  I woke up just felt like why? I would show up to school everyday with a hood on and some days I wouldn’t even do my hair. Everyday I was living life, but everyday I constantly felt worse. Finally, I had officially hit rock bottom. I didn’t want to live. I did not care about life or my family, nor friends. I’m glad I didn’t do it. I’m glad that I pushed through to the other side. Choosing to get well and live better was the hardest thing I’ve ever done for myself in life thus far. It was an extremely lonely process. Even the people closest to me didn’t understand nor did they want to. I really took a step back and observed who I had become and the people I chose to hang with. Anything that had been weighing me down got pushed away or Eliminated. I started to see people’s true colors, as well as those who supported my position and not my purpose. I was so alone n afraid one night I prayed to God and I expressed exactly how I felt. I was balling on my knees begging for Gods intervention. I hadn’t prayed to God a lot or cared for a true relationship with him outside of going to church on Sunday’s. I cried myself to sleep this night feeling alone but protected. When I woke up I was strong. Still very depressed but covered. I was thinking about God in the shower and for the first time in years I felt a piece of happiness in me. I smiled because I knew it was God and I knew he came for me. Since that night God took over. He told me what to do and which perspectives to apply. He watched over me in such a way that when my enemies thought I was slipping, little did they know it was just where God had placed me to teach me a lesson. Everyday god had me by the hand and led the way. Ever since then I have been happy, positive and optimistic about life. Having God gave me understanding and light through the darkness. The power of God is very real. There is nothing too big, too scary, or too difficult. Find him.  #itdidtntkillyou #Beblessedandstaywell

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